…eff the (metaphorical) Joneses. Meg Hartley via my newsletter, Halcyon Tidings * See end for source of subject/title quote! 🎶🎼 * Hey there, I hate watching commercials. Hate it. I manage to work around them on most… More
8 Ways You Can Help Fight the Loneliness Epidemic
Originally published by Tiny Buddha, April 18, 2023
By Meg Hartley

“The antidote to loneliness isn’t just being around random people indiscriminately, the antidote to loneliness is emotional security.” ~Benedict Wells
Emotional security. The feeling of being at home in the presence of another. Safe to be who you are, good times or bad. Feeling seen and seeing the other clearly, accepting the other’s whole lovely mess. It’s good stuff, and it can be hard to find.
In fact, ever-increasing loneliness stats have led many experts to describe the problem as epidemic. You might assume it was caused by the pandemic, but it was a crisis long before lockdowns and social distancing.
In 2018, Cigna conducted a survey of U.S. adults and found that loneliness was at 54 percent, already at epidemic levels. Since then, it shot up to 61 percent in 2019, with three in five Americans reporting feeling lonely, and now sits at 58 percent—we’ve got ourselves a big problem. And it’s not just the fact that it’s unpleasant to feel disconnected from others and not have anyone to talk to; research also shows it’s also bad for our health.
As someone who went thirty-seven years not knowing I’m autistic, for most of my life I’ve hidden a lot of who I am (masking), making it impossible to feel truly connected and seen. So, despite formerly frequent socializing, I’ve been exceedingly familiar with feeling lonely for most of my life.
However, when health issues took me out of the day-to-day world altogether in 2015, I was surprised at how much worse it got. At first, rarely interacting with others was largely a much-needed relief, but a few months in, things got dark. I was communicating with the people I knew so little—sometimes it’d be months—that I felt ungrounded, like I could just disappear, or die, and no one would even know I was gone.
When I did get to talk to the people who I then considered close, it often felt like I wasn’t really allowed to talk about my life anymore because it’d become too sad. (So cringe. Positive vibes only.)
Even with the support of a therapist, feeling so alone in what I was going through made me feel like my life didn’t matter. And it’s not that I was associating with awful humans, it’s just how we’re socially conditioned. Society prioritizes seeming-pleasantness to a severe degree, and as a result most folks have no idea how to hold space for the hard stuff. We just aren’t taught to be emotionally equipped for providing that kind of support; instead, the general example is to repress and deflect.
It’s like we’ve decided compassion is inefficient and awkward, instead honoring placid insensitivity as a virtue. And, as a result, people feel like it’s not safe to talk about what’s really going on in their lives, what they’re really thinking and feeling. This, of course, creates loneliness.
Eventually, after half a decade of dealing with severe health and life trauma in isolation, I was diagnosed with autism, which was amazing in many ways… but also a core-shaking thing to handle with only the support of online groups and a telehealth therapist who had dozens of other clients. It was too much to process, and I had a nervous breakdown.
Afterward, I accepted that I needed to work harder to find people I could regularly and, especially, authentically connect with. It took some time, but I eventually found aligned friends via reaching out to people I didn’t actually know all that well (yet) but had met through very authentic circumstances.
Routinely talking and connecting with them has changed my life. I’m still homebound for health reasons, and it’s still hard, but despite still being without human company like 95 percent of the time, I don’t feel like I could just float away anymore; I now feel warmly and safely connected, even seen and understood.
Honestly assessing if I had people with the bandwidth to connect regularly, that also know how to hold the kind of safe-feeling emotional space I need, was the first step to having consistent connection with people who let me be my whole self; relationships that do provide that precious and hard-to-find feeling of emotional security—progressively replacing my loneliness with connected perspective, understanding, and acceptance.
If your honest self-assessment comes to the same conclusion as mine—“I need to confront this loneliness thing”—these sorts of authentic-connection-seeking efforts can do the same for you.
8 Ways to Combat the Loneliness Epidemic
1. Honestly assess your needs.
Do you feel lonely? What do you need to feel socially connected? Which interactions leave you feeling drained and which ones lift you up, making you feel less alone? Do you feel safe to be your whole self with the people in your life? What are some characteristics of those who’ve made you feel safe?
2. Reach out (and reach back).
Once you’ve got an idea of what you need, reach out to someone who makes you feel relaxed, safe to just be you, and see if they want to catch up. Maybe they’ll be down for it, and maybe they won’t, but keep trying.
If you don’t really know anyone you feel safe to be authentic with, try joining like-minded activity groups or using a platonic friend-finding app. And if someone who seems safe reaches out, don’t let fear stop you from reaching back.
3. Set and respect boundaries.
What you need from someone and what they’re able to provide might not mesh. It’s important to understand that some of us are comfortable with having open, potentially vulnerable, conversations, and others prefer to stick to more shallow waters. And the same is true for the reverse.
It’s okay to prioritize time with those who connect in a harmonious way and also to distance yourself where needed. Life is pretty demanding and people can only do so much, so try not to take it personally if people can’t meet what you need, and let others (gently) know when you can’t meet theirs.
4. Practice ‘holding space.’
Make sure you’re present enough to really listen and ensure you’ve understood and/or been understood (we rely far too much on easily misinterpreted nonverbal communication).
Learning to stay in the moment—resisting deflection, going into judgment or fix-it mode—is crucial to creating authentic connection in your life (and that includes holding space for your own honest, but difficult, emotions).
It can be scary to hold space, and/or ask someone to, but we need to get over our societal fear of awkward experiences; isn’t it worth it when it could lead to connection, growth, and clarity?
5. Resist the pressure to lean on small talk.
It can be tempting to stick to trivial matters, but it’s not without harm. I concur with the take on small talk that Natasha Lyonne shared on an early February episode of Late Night with Seth Meyers:
“I don’t believe in it. I would say I aggressively don’t like it. I think it’s damaging to society as a whole… it’s like John Lennon said, just gimme some truth. I think it’s really dangerous because when you ask a person ‘How are you?’ their only option is to lie aggressively, right? Society says you’re supposed to say, ‘Oh, I’m good’ and keep it moving, but you’re not good, are you?”
It’s isolating that we’re expected to talk in pleasantries, especially since it often happens even in relationships considered close.
6. Gossip doesn’t count as connection.
In the same interview, Meyers fights for small talk as a segue into shit-talk, and Lyonne suggests that maybe instead of talking about other people they could segue into some other talk (she suggests inanimate objects, which I don’t hate).
Our society depends on gossip far too much. People very often rely on it to judge another’s trustworthiness, a fact that is manipulated all the time. And if you’ve ever played the game “telephone,” you know it’s not exactly a science to depend on hearsay.
Real conversations, asking direct questions, can be intimidating—but it’s a hell of a lot better than writing someone off because of what so-in-so told so-in-so. Also, gossip isn’t connection. It might feel like fleeting togetherness à la “we hate them,” but you know your shite-talking cohort’s talking about you as well. It’s fake. If gossip’s the primary mode of convo, you’re just flapping jaws.
7. Reflect on and articulate your feels.
When we don’t understand why we feel alone, it makes it much harder to address, so it’s unfortunate that introspection is underrated in our society (sometimes even ridiculed, which is revealing).
Gaining emotional awareness and being able to express our feelings is key to reducing loneliness. To quote sociological researcher Brené Brown, “The more difficult it is for us to articulate our experiences of loss, longing, and feeling lost to the people around us, the more disconnected and alone we feel.”
When we don’t have the words to describe our emotional experience, emotional communication becomes foreign—but by gaining emotional awareness and vocabulary, that kind of connection becomes possible.
Crucially, we must know that it’s okay to feel whatever it is that we feel, as many of us are taught that emotions like anger or fear aren’t okay. They are. Using tools like the emotion wheel, journaling, and therapy can be of great assistance, as well as opening up to trusted others and holding space when they open up to you.
8. Know (and love) yourself to connect authentically.
Finding relationships where I felt supported the way I needed to be involved a lot more time getting to know myself than I thought it would; tons of self-reflection and, ironically, solitude were necessary for me to find the self-acceptance it takes to have any shot at finding authentic support.
To again quote Brené Brown, “Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.”
As far as how to get started on fostering self-love, I think all love grows from appreciation, something many of us find hardest when it’s pointed in our own direction. Appreciate your efforts to choose growth by reading articles on a website like this over mindless scrolling, or reaching out for connection instead of your favorite escape. And acknowledge your needs in addition to your efforts. You deserve love (the whole you).
—
Self-reflection and cultivating emotionally secure relationships inherently involves vulnerability, but our social norms dictate staying away from that—safe in the shallows of small talk, leaving the depths to be explored in fifty-minute therapy slots by a complete stranger who won’t have the same security with you (if you’re lucky enough to have the coverage).
While therapy can be very helpful, emotional support shouldn’t primarily be found at a price as one of many clients on a therapist’s roster. We need to have the emotional tools to express our feelings and support another’s.
And, in addition to our individual efforts toward authentic connection, we, as a society, need to recognize the costs of mass loneliness and prioritize having a populace that knows how to be there for each other in good times and bad. It’s time to learn how to allow space for authentic connection in our lives and relationships. We need it, we deserve it, and we can do it.
⚡ #StopTheShock Action Alert ⚡
Autistic people are being tortured in the US, and you can help stop it.
By Meg Hartley
Originally published in ArtfullyAutistic

As an Artfully Autistic reader, you may already be aware of the #StopTheShock movement, which has been working to stop the atrocious treatment of autistic and otherwise disabled people at the Judge Rotenberg Center (JRC) in Massachusetts. If not, I’m sorry to inform you that they are using shock devices on “patients” that have been labeled as torture by the United Nations (UN) Special Rapporteur on Torture.
This news wasn’t the only ingredient, but I literally had a nervous breakdown after learning that this was happening in my own country. It was like my brain just couldn’t process such horror happening now, here, in the United States. I think that horror is part of why the torture has been allowed to continue — people have a hard time believing it’s really that bad because it’s just too much, it speaks too loudly about the kind of things we’re still secretly allowing in our society.
But it’s real. These people are real.
And you can help make it stop — anyone reading this! — but especially those of you living in Massachusetts (or who can pass the news onto people who do).
In MA, there is currently proposed critical state-level legislation that could finally stop the torture, an amendment ending the legality of causing people with physical, intellectual, or developmental disabilities pain in order to punish or teach them. If passed, bill H. 180 will ban aversive techniques like those used at JRC, banning procedures that cause “physical pain, including, but not limited to, hitting, pinching, and electric shock” and denying “reasonable sleep, food, shelter, bedding, bathroom facilities, and any other aspect expected of a humane existence” — atrocious treatment that should have never been permitted, or at least been put to a stop a long, long, time ago.
Hopes have been raised with similar bills before, but the state legislature has tragically failed to get them passed. It’s time for leaders to take this issue as seriously and get it done. To help raise pressure, support, and awareness, the Autistic Self Advocacy Center (ASAN) is organizing a Day of Action on May 22nd, something people in MA and beyond could help make a success.
Here’s the scoops:
Firstly (since there are more of you), if you aren’t a resident of Massachusetts, share this call to action soon and frequently! Get on social media to share links/info — ensuring that you’ve tagged #Massachusetts as well as #StopTheShock so it has a better chance at reaching resident eyes. Extra doses on the 22nd. And encourage MA residents to participate to take a couple of minutes to contact their senators about this crucially important bill. (And keep sounding the #StopTheShock alarm after the 22nd, the FDA is someone else that can act and just…isn’t.)
And if you are a resident of Massachusetts, please call your State Representative and Senator; you can find your State Representative here, and your State Senator here. ASAN’s provided a script to make this as easy as possible:
My name is [your full name] , and I am from [your city] . I am a constituent of [Senator/Representative NAME]. I’m calling to ask [Senator/Representative NAME] to support H.180 to ban aversive conditioning, or using pain to punish people. Aversive conditioning is harmful and not effective. Plus, Massachusetts is home to the only institution in the country to use electric shock devices for aversive conditioning on students with intellectual and developmental disabilities, a practice which has been classified as torture by the United Nations. This bill would ban that and keep all people with disabilities safe. Can I count on the [Senator/Representative]’s support for this bill?
This Day of Action will also be an in-person event at the Massachusetts State House! So, if you’re able, please join local protestors on May 22nd to speak with legislators’ offices in-person and raise awareness about the fight to #StopTheShock. ASAN provided this link to learn more and register.
Whether you’re in Massachusetts or on the moon, please, please, please make some noise about #StopTheShock.
“Kindness knows no shame.”
The first is the antidote to the former.
Meg Hartley via my newsletter, Halcyon Tidings

* See end for source of subject/title quote! 🎶🎼 *
Hey there,
Isn’t shame the worst? Knowing that you behaved in a way that hurt someone else, or yourself, or a project’s success, etc.—it sucks, it can make you feel worthless. And since it’s such a bad feeling, it often winds up being repressed by denying responsibility for one’s fuck-up, leading to more bad behavior (like blaming someone else), which just creates more of that shame.
The antidote to shame is kindness, exhibiting compassion and consideration, something that applies to oneself as well as others. Firstly there’s self-compassion, looking at your mistakes without damning yourself, recognizing that messing up is just a part of life…while also taking responsibility and learning the lesson. (Though it’s important to note shame isn’t always earned.) As for kindness to others, it feels good to help and it’s empowering to have a positive effect, which leads to more do-gooding, which means doing fewer things to feel shitty about. Don’t underestimate the power of acts of kindness.
As the song from the subject suggests, it’s natural for kindness to know no shame (as “the seasons know exactly when to change”).
Hope May’s doing you many kindnesses. ❤️
See ya (-ish) in a couple weeks,
Meg
HeyMegHartley.com
Preview image created by Chanelle Nibbelink for Scientific American.

More Words:
New article for The Progressive – The Outdated Language of Autism ‘Awareness’ Month
Tiny Buddha – 8 Ways You Can Help Fight the Loneliness Epidemic
The Bookbaby – Underneath It All: Peeling Back Societal Bullsh*t to Reveal a More Whole You
* SUBJECT/TITLE QUOTE: The subject’s quote, “Kindness knows no shame,” is a lyric from a 1976 song ‘As,’ by the great Stevie Wonder. *

The Outdated Language of Autism ‘Awareness’ Month
A shift among advocates reflects the view that autism is simply another neurotype—not a disease to be cured.
BY MEG HARTLEY, for The Progressive
APRIL 28, 2023 2:54 PM
While Autism Awareness Month may have started with good intentions, every April my autism support groups are flooded with upset reactions to Autism Awareness posts. While these posts mean well, because society’s conditioned people to beware of autism, they usually come out infantilizing, condescending, or even dehumanizing, advocating for the end of autism…which they don’t seem to realize means the end of autistic people.
In the decades since 1970, when the Autism Society first established Autism Awareness Week (which then evolved into Month), we’ve learned a lot about being autistic, and it’s important that the language we use reflects this. The Autism Society recently shifted away from using the term “awareness” by renaming the event Autism Acceptance Month. Unfortunately, the public really hasn’t caught on.
This may not seem like a big deal, but for people who are autistic, language matters. Fifty years of promoting “Autism Awareness Month” creates “real barriers for Autistics to be seen as more than a stereotype,” writes researcher Maddy Dever in the Canadian Journal of Autism Equity. We should instead, she says, aim to move from “words and thoughts that cause exclusion and segregation to words that promote inclusion and accommodation. Changing our language changes the way we think, changing the way we think, changes the way we act, and our actions can bring about change that will allow Autistics to thrive.”
Autism is a descriptor for neurological differences that result in our experiencing and processing the world differently. These differences cause us to react, think, and behave in alternative ways. Autism is a neurotype—not a disease. But the “awareness” framework can make people think it is. When people advocate for “curing” autism, they’re actually rooting for “no more autistic people.” The conversation can quickly devolve into one about eradicating us, and that’s not okay.
There are many meaningful ways to integrate us into society, but first society has got to desist in trying to get us to “stop acting weird.”
An autistic life is worthy of living. Even if it did make physiological sense, I wouldn’t want to be cured of being autistic—I want to be cured of the things that cause autistic burnout and our terrifying suicide rates. There are many meaningful ways to integrate us into society, but first society has got to desist in trying to get us to “stop acting weird.”
When society has such homogenized expectations of “normal,” it results in people either being excluded or encouraged to hide their differentness. With autistic people, this behavior of “masking” can result in autistic burnout, leading to an increase in problems including extreme sensory sensitivities, communication troubles, meltdowns, and debilitating exhaustion—all of which, ironically, can result in the inability to mask or, for many, participate in society at all.
These are just some of the reasons why the autistic community advocates for an acceptance over awareness frame: it emphasizes accepting that we’re different, learning what autism really is, and letting us be us.
The switch from ‘awareness’ to ‘acceptance’ is part of a larger neurodiversity movement that views brain differences as not inherently lacking or wrong—just different. And beyond that, it’s part of the social model of disability, which “identifies systemic barriers, derogatory attitudes, and social exclusion, which make it difficult or impossible for disabled people to attain their valued functionings.” It’s time for society to make room for more of humanity, and switching to Autism Acceptance Month is a part of that.
Additionally, the current popular verbiage has other problematic aspects. Autism Awareness Month may have started out with intentions of truly helping autistic people, but it’s become the biggest income booster for the autism industrial complex—a litany of groups like Autism Speaks that claim to help autistic people, but are known in the community for doing the opposite.
There is another way: It’s time to actually listen to autistic people about what we need to better manage our easily-overwhelmed but also uniquely equipped brains.
Here are some tips to get you started on being a part of our societal transition to autism acceptance:
Know that different doesn’t mean worse. Don’t dismiss or judge people for needing sensory gear (headphones, tinted glasses, etc.), stimming (repeated movements, fidgeting, etc.), needing mobility assistance (cane, walker, etc.), requiring different ways of communicating (nonverbal, requiring text, etc.), or other differences people often incorrectly associate with lack of intellect or competence.
Take disability accommodations seriously. Similarly, when someone needs a disability accommodation, that doesn’t mean they “think they’re special,” it means they have different needs. The ADA may require employers to provide reasonable accommodation in the workplace, but in practice it’s much trickier, with pushback from bosses and rolled eyes from coworkers. It’s hard enough to have different needs, and it’s harder still to ask for accommodations, so for the love of god, don’t make it even worse—and call out anyone who does.
Don’t get offended when someone asks why. Some of us need to know why in order to do the best job we can. Autism acceptance advocate Callum Stephen summed it up impeccably: “One of the best things you can do for autistic people is explaining why. Why you want us to do a thing (X way); why something isn’t possible; why you’re upset with us; etc. We may not intuit the ‘why,’ and knowing helps us to contextualize and act with purpose and direction.”
Ask questions instead of assuming the worst. One of the biggest myths around autism is that we lack empathy, but to us it looks like non-autistic people often lack empathy. Autistic sociologist and autism researcher Damian Milton described this issue as the “double empathy problem,” which proposes that “the social and communication difficulties present in autistic people when socializing with non-autistic people are at least partly due to a lack of mutual understanding between autistic people and non-autistic people—i.e., most autistic people lack understanding of non-autistic people whereas most non-autistic people lack understanding of autistic people.” Autistic people are often inherently on different wavelengths, so to speak, so more communication is often needed to accomplish mutual understanding.
Don’t assume you know what autism “looks” like; that’s not a thing. While some of us move with tics like twitching or blinking, lots of us have been taught to mask, and may seem “normal” or different in a way that’s hard to put your finger on. As we say in the community, “If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.”
Speak up when you hear outdated language. Allies are crucial in helping change to really take root, there’s immense power in speaking up for individuals not given a sufficient voice in society—so, please, correct people who’re still saying “awareness” and fill them in on why the shift is needed.
Ask the government to adopt “acceptance” terminology. Make a public comment to the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee and encourage them to revise the outdated and harmful “awareness” terminology and make Autism Acceptance Month official in the United States.
We need everyone to know they should not write us off. In addition to desperately needing understanding and support, we have a lot to contribute—and that’s exactly what acceptance will help us do.
“Falcon hood?!” “Raid on entebbe?!”
My ‘common knowledge’ isn’t the same as yours.
Meg Hartley via my newsletter, Halcyon Tidings

* See end for source of subject/title quote! 🎬🍿 *
Hey there,
This week I turned in an article that references something called the ‘double empathy problem’, a concept that details how breakdowns in mutual understanding happen between people with very different experiences and perspectives—the autistic autism researcher Damian Milton coined it in reference to allistic (not-autistic) and autistic communication, but he also describes it generally as something that can “occur when people of very differing dispositions attempt to interact.”
Who and how we are affects the way we see things, it shapes our perception. The way a situation is viewed by someone can completely depend on where they’re coming from…and this isn’t always easy to remember.

So much of life is subjective, it’s based on one’s feelings and life experience, my ‘common knowledge’ isn’t the same as yours. The subject quote of this fortnite’s newsletter, “‘Falcon hood?!’ ‘Raid on Entebbe?!,’” is from a scene in an HBO show where two friends get in a shouting match over whose conversation reference is least relatable. (Entebbe, if you ask me.) What we know about the world has only been informed by the bits of it we’ve learned about and/or experienced; yet so often we expect to immediately understand and be understood, which can be frustrating.
Putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes isn’t possible without questions, without working to understand where the other person is coming from. We can never know what’s missing from our awareness, we are blind to the things we don’t know we don’t know (something I *try* to remind myself of when feeling exasperated af by others’ actions that I just don’t understand).
So, may we all find the strength and wisdom to acknowledge when we might be making presumptions about a situation or person(s), as well as the curiosity, articulation, and compassion it takes to succeed in mutual understanding.
See ya (-ish) in a couple weeks,
Meg
HeyMegHartley.com

More Words:
Tiny Buddha – 8 Ways You Can Help Fight the Loneliness Epidemic
The Bookbaby – Underneath It All: Peeling Back Societal Bullsh*t to Reveal a More Whole You
* SUBJECT/TITLE QUOTE: “Falcon hood?!” and “Raid on Entebbe?!” are shouted between Zach Galifianakis and Jason Schwartzman in the dazedly clever show Bored to Death (2009)—hope you had a happy April 20th! 💚 *

Does endocannabinoid deficiency play a role in these common illnesses?
Meg Hartley by Leafly
Published on June 7, 2019 • Last updated July 28, 2020
For many suffering from chronic illness, cannabis is a godsend. From those dealing with the wrath of inflamed digestive systems, to the ones combating global musculoskeletal pain, and the millions who report that the agony in their heads is just the beginning of their symptoms—cannabis can help these fighters with their load of physical woes.
The ECS is present in every major bodily system, which is how its dysfunction can theoretically cause such a variety of conditions—and how cannabis manages to treat them.
But why? To explain, we need to back up a bit. You probably know that cannabinoids (like the popular CBD and THC) interact with the body’s endocannabinoid system (ECS), and that our bodies produce natural endocannabinoids that work with the ECS receptors to maintain health in all the other bodily systems. But do you know what happens when we don’t produce enough of these endocannabinoids?
Neither does science; not really, anyways. But Ethan Russo M.D., Director of Research and Development of the International Cannabis and Cannabinoids Institute has theorized that clinical endocannabinoid deficiency could be the cause behind irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia, migraine, and other treatment-resistant syndromes. The ECS is present in every major bodily system, which is how its dysfunction can theoretically cause such a variety of conditions—and how cannabis manages to treat them.
These conditions, along with others that fall into this realm, are generally thought to be incurable and chronic, usually lasting for the rest of the sufferer’s life. I spoke with Dr. Russo about this matter, and he offered hope for chronic illness fighters, saying that since these conditions are generally acquired (rather than congenital, from birth), it seems to suggest an ECS disturbance is behind the illness. So hopefully it can be reversed in some fashion.
What is clinical endocannabinoid deficiency?
The theory of Clinical Endocannabinoid Deficiency (CED) explains that these health conditions are due to a deficiency in endocannabinoid levels, akin to the way neurotransmitter deficiencies are behind other illnesses—like serotonin deficiency in depression. In other words, the theory posits that the cause of these syndromes is an insufficient amount of endocannabinoids functioning in the ECS.
The theory was first posed by Dr. Russo in 2001. Since then, he’s published several more well-cited papers on the topic.
“The vast majority of physicians just have no background in the ECS. It’s just not being taught.”
Dr. Russo’s 2016 paper, Clinical Endocannabinoid Deficiency Reconsidered, revisited this issue after substantial evidence for the theory was recorded. Firstly, statistically significant differences of the endocannabinoid anandamide were recorded in the cerebrospinal fluid of migraine sufferers. (Similar results have also been found in fibromyalgia fighters.) Decreased ECS function was found in another condition thought to fall into the CED rubric, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). And clinical data has shown that cannabinoid treatment and lifestyle changes aimed to promote the health of the ECS produced evidence for decreased pain, improved sleep, and other benefits in fighters—yet more evidence linking ECS dysfunction to these conditions.
From the paper: “If endocannabinoid function were decreased, it follows that a lowered pain threshold would be operative, along with derangements of digestion, mood, and sleep among the almost universal physiological systems subserved by the endocannabinoid system (ECS).”
The CED theory also posits that such deficiencies could be present due to genetic reasons or be the result of a disease or injury.
The study primarily focuses on IBS, migraine, and fibromyalgia—all of which involve increased pain sensations in the affected areas—but disorders that may fall under the CED rubric include: PTSD, glaucoma, cystic fibrosis, types of neuropathy, phantom limb pain, neonatal failure to thrive, infantile colic, menstrual pain, repetitive miscarriages, hyperemesis gravidarum, bipolar disease, and many others. Many of these diseases are little understood and remain treatment resistant.
How to improve ECS “tone”
Unfortunately, there’s no magic-pill solution here, but there are methods to improve your ECS “tone,” which is the term used to describe the functioning of this little-understood system. Dr. Russo had some advice on the matter—and it’s all about taking good care of yourself to help ensure that the ECS doesn’t get out of balance. Here’s some tips gleaned from his wisdom:
- Heal your gut: There is increasing evidence that the gut microbiome, and the levels of bacteria within it, are a major regulator of the ECS. People should avoid unnecessary antibiotics, as these damage the natural microbiome balance in the gut. Also try pro- and prebiotics to get that biome in shape.
- Eat right: Pro-inflammatory foods, such as fried foods with trans-fats, or too many calories in general are bad for the ECS. It’s also important to cultivate consciousness about what you’re eating—how you were taught might not be best what’s best for your body now.
- Exercise: Sedentary behavior is harmful to the ECS, and exercise is essential to improving tone. However, many fighters of chronic illness will experience a flare in symptoms if they push it, so a low-impact aerobic program is recommended for many.
- Look at family health: ECS dysfunction isn’t genetic like eye color, but there are genetic tendencies, so be extra careful if there are others in your family who are fighters of chronic illness. Also be mindful about unhealthy habits you may share.
- Sleep well and stress less: The ECS loves balance, and a body that’s stressed out and unrested is great at throwing all kinds of systems out-of-whack. So get those eight hours and get real about managing stress.
Dr. Russo says that there’s no “cure” for these conditions, but following these guidelines offers the opportunity for a major intervention in symptoms—which can look a whole lot like a cure.
Looking forward
As for what’s next, Dr. Russo is working on getting studies funded and running to provide further information on this topic, especially in relation to ECS and the gut’s microbiome. He’s also working on a diagnostic test for fibromyalgia sufferers—something that would be life-changing for those searching for a diagnosis, or who need to prove that they really have it.
And for now, he says that there needs to be more awareness about the ECS.
“The vast majority of physicians just have no background in the ECS,” he said. “Despite it being discovered almost 30 years ago, there’s been very little uptake of it in med school curricula—it’s just not being taught, and whether that’s an unfortunate association with the word ‘cannabis’ is unclear. But clearly we have a knowledge deficit in regard to it, and until we rectify that we won’t have the ability to treat our patients more effectively.”
So the next time you’re at the doctor, whether you suffer from a chronic illness, or not—think about asking your doctor what you can do to improve the health of your endocannabinoid system, just to see if they know what it is. (And maybe put some pressure on them to find out.)
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“But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn’t hear my mouth”
To quiet a boisterous and blabby mind, you might need to do some looking at it.
Meg Hartley via my newsletter, Halcyon Tidings

* See end for source of subject/title quote! 🎶🎼 *
Hey there,
First, I need to welcome my new Substack subscribers as well as those imported from my old newsletter, Fuckless News! Welcome. This is Halcyon Tidings, a bi-weekly dose of real but uplifting takes on life, getting through it, and trying to be the best humans we can be. (Also much randomness.)
Ever hear your mouth bubbling out a reply to someone while your mind was still on this other thing that happened, or another that might?
The world can be so overwhelming, leaving most of us in a state of reaction, a kind of autopilot that leaves us trying to communicate around the contents and triggers of our thought soup. This results in a lack of awareness in regard to why we do and say. It’s how I lived much of my life, doing the thing my brain’s patterned to do (even if it’s not helpful or authentic) while my mind was a million miles away. The subject’s quote is from a song about always moving on to the next place trying to escape the deafening mental clatter, something I used to relate to on a visceral level. It felt like I could settle my headspace, my internal world, by adjusting my life situations and/or location (ironically remaining outwardly unsettled 😅). But, as they say, “Wherever you go, there you are,” and eventually I accepted that it’s an inside job.
That acceptance brought my sporadic focus on mindfulness into a meditation practice, something that’s given me firsthand insight into the value of consciously knowing what’s going on in one’s thoughts and being able to reflect on mental patterns (metacognition). This awareness facilitates a presence of the moment that means less of that mentally reactive “thoughts so loud” place society tends to create. (And encourage?) It’s not magic, of course, and I still know mental overwhelm, but consciously working on staying aware of my headspace helps me grab the wheel rather than falling into unconscious behavioral patterns—and, in such an unpredictable world, sometimes feeling (and being) even a little bit more in control can go a long way.
It’s meditation and mindfulness that really helped me on this path, but other ways to find presence can be: simply (but regularly) sitting somewhere and just letting your mind go off for a while, taking long walks in nature, or being absorbed in creating art, be it a painting, meal, or snow angel. There are lots of ways to allow more awareness into your headspace, helping to really get you into the moment.
Do your thoughts ever get so loud you can’t hear your mouth? Maybe it’s time to start thinking about your thinking. 💭
See ya (-ish) in a couple weeks,

More Words:
How-To + Why Article, Meditation is the shit.
Artfully Autistic, Here’s What Autism Looks Like
Bookbaby, Underneath It All: Peeling Back Societal Bullsh*t to Reveal a More Whole You
* SUBJECT/TITLE QUOTE: “But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn’t hear my mouth” is a lyric from the 2004 song ‘The World At Large’ by Modest Mouse, an ideal anthem for Xennial wanderers in the overwhelming aughts.

7 Things I Learned from 5+ Years of Solitude
Isolation can be transformative and empowering, here’s how.
Originally published Mar 23, 2021, on Medium

It’s been one year since the pandemic started, a year that’s brought significant changes for just about everyone.
Some of us have been overly trapped in a house with too many people; but others of us have been all on our own for quarantine, left alone with our minds, and a pet, if we’re lucky.
Going from a life of being out in the world, talking with people, experiencing novelty and freedom — to being all alone in your apartment, like, every day, can be immensely difficult.
In October of 2015, I had my last day working at a health company that had been extremely compassionate in regard to my sick time. I had been crashing right after work most days for years, and the days where I couldn’t leave the house at all had started to outnumber the days that I could.
Since then, it’s been a life of treasuring the days where I do feel good enough to leave the house.

I’d learn that I had a B12 level of 132 pg/mL; the doctor noting that I’d have been paralyzed within a month, and dead within a year. A year and a half later, having been tested for just about every other ailment — I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, explaining the pain all over my body, but leaving me with many unanswered questions.
And, finally, just this summer I was diagnosed with Level Two autism, a mind-blowing diagnosis, for sure, but one that has brought me the answers to those questions, tools, and a literally like-minded community (if only online, for now).
So, when the pandemic started, I was already on year four of near-complete solitude — I have been completely by myself for the vast majority of my hours, for five freakin’ years.
At first, it was really hard. Not gonna lie.
But this solitude has brought me treasures, as well. Transformational ones.
May we all be infinitely more awesome versions of ourselves by the time the world reopens, ready to rock its socks right off.
Our world constantly feeds us information to process and react to, and while letting all that go might be difficult; its absence can be immensely centering, especially with some intention and effort.
Though the arrival of vaccines is exciting, the reality is that many of us (especially my fellow high-risk peeps) are probably going to be solo’ing it up for some time — so I thought that I’d share the gifts that isolation has brought me, and how to get at ‘em.
7 Things I’ve Learned from Extended Solitude

- The most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. For a lot of us, it’s easy to be thrown into everyone else’s world, letting other people occupy our mental spaces rather than focusing on cultivating our own internal peace. It’s important to engage in activities that help us feel closer to ourselves; for me, it’s spirituality and making art (ta-da) — maybe for you, it’s gourmet cooking whilst listening to personal development podcasts. But whatever it is, making it happen regularly is absolutely worth the effort.
- Self-care, like meditation and daily movement, is not optional. Similarly, it’s important to hold ourselves accountable for taking care of our minds and bodies, which can be tricky when your whole routine is thrown out of wack. Luckily, to get rolling all you need is a bit of floor space, maybe some direction and inspiration from YouTube, and willpower derived from knowing that self-care leads to happier and more productive days — making you your best you.
- It’s okay to follow your own rhythm. Our society pushes a fast-paced lifestyle that starts at 6:30 am, and even if you’ve been laid off, or your hours have become more flexible; it’s likely you’re still feeling pressure to keep it up. Take this opportunity to learn about your own internal rhythms — see what time you wake up natural, be busy on a Sunday and chilled out on Monday, discover what truly works for you.
- Authenticity is key to sanity. I first started falling ill regularly over a decade ago, and the forced solitude helped me realize that I wasn’t being my full self when around others, that I feared doing so, and it made me anxious, almost constantly, which I hid, constantly. After a few months alone, unobserved, unguarded, unedited; I found myself being sillier, as well as feeling more joy and peace, and I’m better able to bring that into my relationships when I do have the energy to connect.
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Notice how you are alone, and how you are with others — is there a gap? As the great Brené Brown says, “If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief,” which is something I can personally vouch for. Mind the gap, my friend, then close it good. - Societal conditioning is utter nonsense. All this time alone, without being persistently exposed to and influenced by the views of others, being able to control the amount of conditioning I’m exposed to — has helped me to really see our society for what it is. (And, very often, it’s not great.)
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Inspect your psyche and motivations, how much is “mother culture” affecting your goals, assumptions, and beliefs? How does advertising affect you? Social media? Keep your eyes peeled for internal reactions (especially shame) when encountering aspects of socialization and our society, observe how conditioning can be an insidious mofo. - The key to never being bored is caring more. My mother always used to say, “If you’re bored, you’re boring,” which irritated me as a restless teen, but I’ve come to see its wisdom. Engaging people are always engaging with something, learning about their new passion, supporting the people around them (if only from afar), and generally cultivating their curiosity at every turn — and the key to it all is caring.
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While happy hours and concerts allude, opportunities for caring are still abundant, and one is never bored whilst giving a shit about something. (It just can’t be done.) Whether it’s getting involved with your community somehow, taking up a new hobby, or exploring your obsession with some random topic you love with all your heart; bid adieu to boredom and get it get it. - It’s crucial to know what company uplifts, and who drains you. When availability for interaction is limited, it’s especially important to be particular. Once I started examining how I felt after talking with people (in-person or otherwise), I realized that I very often wound up in a negative space afterward; realizing that they hadn’t asked me a single question, that an errant comment was making me insecure, or that I was feeling otherwise diminished, less seen.
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My experience was certainly colored by my unconsciously deflecting to mask my autism (and other coping methods), but this isn’t an uncommon issue. Some of us are keener to hold space, and others are keener to take it — it’s important to find balance in both our behavior and in the company we keep. The forced space of quarantine can help ween out potentially toxic relations, leaving more time for connection that uplifts.
While I hope that this isolation is broken sooner than later, I try to remember the overwhelmingly external times in my life, the days I had too many places to go, too many people to talk to — and remember that those times will come again, and they’ll likely send me into a light nostalgia over my present situation.
Let’s make the best of being here, now, shall we?
May we all be infinitely more awesome versions of ourselves by the time the world reopens, ready to rock its socks right off.
We got this.

“Super perfundo on the early eve of your day.”
The first newsletter from my Substack newsletter, Halcyon Tidings — subcribers welcome!

* See end for source of subject/title quote! 🎬🍿 *
Hey there,
Welcome to Halcyon Tidings, a bi-weekly dose of real but uplifting takes on life, getting through it, and trying to be the best humans we can be. (Also much randomness.)
Right now I’m thinking a lot about security in life, on a personal level, but also wondering how many of us actually feel secure in our lives. I had a delightfully quirky therapist who once responded to similar wonderings of mine by sharing, “I feel completely and totally secure,” with the most contented and safe vibe I’ve ever felt. It was the first time I’d ever heard anyone say something like that, and I believed her. She’d also shared enough for me to guess she wasn’t well-off—perhaps irrelevant as wealthy people often seem to be the most anxious in that regard—and she must’ve been in her mid-70’s, still working. But she radiated security from her core, and glowed for it.
That glow, and our personable visits, got me through a very scary, painfully insecure (and lonely) time. It helped me believe that I could cultivate that feeling of safety within myself as well, rather than relying on the mad rollercoaster of life to find such stillness.
I honestly haven’t been able to do it yet, not really. For short periods I have, even during scary times (I’m disabled and have been going through the SSDI process for close to a decade); but the “what if’s?!” and fearful tears still occupy far, far, too much of my emotional space. I’m 40 now (heyyy middle age 💃), so I suppose she had 30+ years on me. Hopefully I’ll grow into someone with such authentic peace in the face of life’s infinite challenges and unknowns.
For now I’m just trying to focus on active surrender—doing all I can do, then trying my best to let go and actually recharge in my downtime, finding a feeling of security by soaking up appreciation for whatever the moment is offering instead of letting my mind spin out in exhausting futility. (Appreciation Ex., As I draft this, the blanket by my face is so so soft, and same for the warm doggo curled up at my knees, gotta love the coze.)
I hope this month has treated you well, and all of 2023 for that matter. (Collectively, I feel like we’re very very due for a good year!) And thanks for reading.
See ya (-ish) in a couple weeks,
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More Words:
The Progressive – The Long Road to #StopTheShock
Medium, Artfully Autistic – How an Emotional Support Dog Helps This AuDHD’r
The Bookbaby – Underneath It All: Peeling Back Societal Bullsh*t to Reveal a More Whole You
* SUBJECT/TITLE QUOTE: “Super perfundo on the early eve of your day” is from 2001’s Waking Life, a film about consciousness, life, philosophy, everything (and nothing) all at once. *
